I’m just gonna say it: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, as a couple, are perfect. As a freshly born, semi-single 27-year-old, theyÂ represent a unique relationship model I can really get behind. It’s unparalleled. SheÂ isÂ doing press forÂ SnatchedÂ right now, the whatever movie she filmedÂ with Amy Schumer, and — thank god — is dishing on her relationship with Kurt in the process. Or, as I’ve called the two of them my whole life (A.K.A. this morning), Gurt. There is much to learn.
First and most importantly, they’ve been “happily unmarried” forÂ 34 years, asÂ PeopleÂ put it in its recent profile of Goldie. This bucking of convention is hardly mentioned; Goldie’s proclaimed “secret to happiness” with Kurt is actually pretty vanilla. “Love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy. Family. Fun. Laughs. Sex,â€� Hawn says. â€œIf you donâ€™t nurture that, and remember, youâ€™re done.”
There’s more to it, though, and I’ll get there shortly, right after we collectively appreciate that she mostly likely shared this wisdom while perched atop aÂ baby pink chair, breathing distance from anÂ overweight Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
via PeopleÂ and my big, meaty heart
(Goldie, btw, is my trueÂ bang inspiration.)
My first exposure to the enviable enigma that is Gurt was the acclaimed filmÂ Overboard,Â wherein contractor Dean Proffitt, played by a mostly nipples-outÂ Kurt Russell, cons rich yacht owner Joanna Stayton, played by a doe-eyed Goldie Hawn, into believing they were married, when really she’d just fallen overboardÂ and lost her memory. No spoilers, but this movie taught me that we’re all just 100 lies away from true love. You should see it if you haven’t. Also, it taught me what a real hunk looks like. My mom always had a thing for Kurt Russell. We teased her about it mercilessly, but now I have toÂ fold my hand. She was right.
Hi Dean, need a hair tie? I have a spare and those tresses would look gr8 in a honey bun.
Overboard was made in 1987, butÂ Gurt actually met in 1984, on the set of should-have-been-Oscar-nominated filmÂ Swing Shift.Â I feel relieved they’ve loved each other for my entire life and more. They’reÂ my rock (just kidding mom and dad) (kind of).Â “He was so good-looking, but he had no pretense about him. I could tell right away he wasnâ€™t a womanizer,” now-71-year-old Hawn told People of her first impressions of now-66-year-old Russell, confirming something I’llÂ now keep my eye out for: no pretense.
This is starting to get to the heart of the matter, which is that she seems to truly appreciate Kurt’s authenticity and has no intentions of thwarting it, even if that means giving him space. And he does the same for her. “Weâ€™re human beings,” Hawn says, of the oft-lamented challenges of monogamy. “Would you want a man who doesnâ€™t look? Who doesnâ€™t feel inspired by the beauty or the curves of a womanâ€™s body?” It’s a more honest approach to love, isn’t it?
“There is, I guess, an elasticity to the relationship. Otherwise itâ€™s going to break, just like a rubber band.”
This is some therapy-level insight. And just what I needed, as I’m currently in the throws of re-evaluatingÂ my relationship with labels (THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER ARTICLE). I’m almost ashamed I didn’t turn to my favorite coupleÂ sooner for advice. I like the idea of elasticity instead of rules, respect instead of contractual promises. Isn’t it kind of refreshing?
Let me be clear that Goldie and Kurt are the only two people for which I’d allow myself to use the term “couple goals.” And that’sÂ really saying something, as I normally reserve it for unexpected, mutually beneficial animal pairings.
My adorationÂ for them knows none of my cynical bounds. I genuinely squealed when I found out they got stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame right next to each other. Did you see them kissing on their starsÂ last week? “It turned out to be a lovefest,” Goldie said of the day. “The last thing he said was, ‘Iâ€™ll always cherish you.’ I didnâ€™t expect him to say those things. I had no idea he was going to be so beautiful.”
I could have guessed he would, but maybe I’m a little biased. What can I say? I’m just a Goldie, standing in front of Gurt, looking veryÂ non-commitally for my Kurt.
Photo by Sonia Moskowitz/Images Press via Getty Images.
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